Infinity and a little mind.

I LOVE cheats in a video game. And before any of my gamer friends climb up on a high horse with "I never use cheats" for whatever reason, to you I say this: If you're done with a game, for whatever reason and therefore will most likely never or rarely play it again, why not cheat? I've always loved using cheats to goof around in video games. It's fun, and also adds extra playability. I especially love the "infinite whatever" cheats. It's nice to use guns or power ups whenever you want instead of saving it for "that one boss," or to always have enough money to buy what you want, or even have all the health you need to explore that one lava section.

I think this love for inexhaustible resources started when I was little, around age 4 or so. I wasn't into video games yet, but I'll tell you what I did like:

FIRETRUCKS

Firetrucks were awesome! They were really big, really shiny, and they had a giant water gun, what's not to love?

I was talking to my dad about fire and firetrucks for some reason, I can't remember the specifics, but I'm guessing it started something like "Hey dad, d'ya think a firetruck could stop a forest fire?" Conversation followed in which my poor father had to answer, then try to explain the "why" and the "how come", but in the end, the one thing I remember clearly was my father asking me "what if your fire truck ran out of water?"

I was stumped.

What's he mean? Run out of water? Firetrucks ALWAYS had water, IT'S THERE JOB! There's no way, it can't run out!

My father assured me that they can indeed run out, and that a lot of firetrucks don't even have a tank. The water has to come from somewhere and in fact, that's what fire hydrants are all about.

My little mind could not believe it... so I didn't. At this point I was fairly sure I knew more about firetrucks than my dad did.


Fire hydrants? Please, you only use fire hydrants if you don't have a fire truck... or maybe when the firetruck hasn't gotten there yet. Anyway, dad's not a fireman, so he probably doesn't know for sure...


I believed other things like this too, like banks and money, grocery stores and food, and soldiers and ammo. Sure, TV and Movie heroes can run out of bullets because I knew that was pretend, but real soldiers? No way.

Of course, for the most part I grew up, and learned that my dad was right. Just like he was when he said the earth was smaller than the sun, but there's still a little part of me that can't help but get excited when I discover that something is infinite, never ending or otherwise inexhaustible, even if most of the time it's just in a video game.

When I first jumped into the back of a the Warthog and discovered that the chaingun had infinite ammo, there was a small part of me that rejoiced.


New plan: I'm going to defeat the Covenant armada WITH THIS GUN.

First post, might as well start with my favorite subject, which also happens to be my favorite game as well:

Sex and dating!

What? I can think of half a dozen games that fit the description "take [object] and put it in [goal]" without even trying.

Moving on.

Recently I was thrust once again, kicking and screaming into bachelorhood. I'm sure I'll delve into that in the future, but not quite yet. Among other things, I've been dating again (mostly unsuccessfully) and blogging, apparently, so why not share?

First, I would like to point out how IMPOSSIBLE it is to find a girl that will even talk to you on a dating site? Let me explain how this works.

Okay, first thing you do is make a profile, upload flattering pictures, and fill the rest with as much crap about yourself as you can think of that is also something you want advertised. Embellish at least a little, make sure you use the word "adventure" liberally, and don't forget to say how much you dislike it when people use "there", "their" and "they're" incorrectly. Then answer at least a hundred multiple choice questions about yourself, ranging from the useless "what's your favorite letter?" to the almost useful "If your partner was going on a trip to another city, would you be okay with he/she staying at a friends place, whom is of the opposite sex?"

Got it? Now for the really "fun" part. Due to lack of responses, guys attempt to send the equivalent of their weight in electronic messages to every member of the opposite sex as fast as they can. Meanwhile, ladies immediately start hiking their standards to impossible levels in order to reduce the messages in their inbox down to a manageable level.

*sigh*

Okay, that last paragraph may be *cough* significantly exaggerated, but I needed to vent damnit! I'm also aware that part of my problem is that I'm looking for a gamer girl. Not only are they rare, but they're in high demand as well.

Finally, before I start talking about sex, let me preface this by saying I'm no player. I've had no more than a handful of partners in my life, so bear in mind that my experience is somewhat limited.

I've had my share of both spectacular and tragically bad sex, so I decided to make a little primer in case anyone out there happens upon this and is new to the game. Apparently some people are unaware that sex happens to be a multiplayer game. More than that, it's a cooperative multiplayer game. This means you need to work together in order to have the most fun possible. No one wants to play with someone who runs ahead and finishes the level on their own, just like no one wants to play with someone who hangs back and does nothing the whole level. Please do your partner a favor and figure out what they like, what works, and what they don't like. Compare notes, if you need to. I know you ladies can be shy, just leave us a few breadcrumbs ok? And guys, PAY ATTENTION for god's sake. At the very least, I feel that everyone should just intuitively know how to play Sex Marco Polo. It's simple, the more noise your partner is making, the more likely it is that you're doing it right. If they stop making any noise, you've probably either failed, or it's really working. You should be able to tell which.

Next post will probably more video game related, but we'll see! :)