First post, might as well start with my favorite subject, which also happens to be my favorite game as well:

Sex and dating!

What? I can think of half a dozen games that fit the description "take [object] and put it in [goal]" without even trying.

Moving on.

Recently I was thrust once again, kicking and screaming into bachelorhood. I'm sure I'll delve into that in the future, but not quite yet. Among other things, I've been dating again (mostly unsuccessfully) and blogging, apparently, so why not share?

First, I would like to point out how IMPOSSIBLE it is to find a girl that will even talk to you on a dating site? Let me explain how this works.

Okay, first thing you do is make a profile, upload flattering pictures, and fill the rest with as much crap about yourself as you can think of that is also something you want advertised. Embellish at least a little, make sure you use the word "adventure" liberally, and don't forget to say how much you dislike it when people use "there", "their" and "they're" incorrectly. Then answer at least a hundred multiple choice questions about yourself, ranging from the useless "what's your favorite letter?" to the almost useful "If your partner was going on a trip to another city, would you be okay with he/she staying at a friends place, whom is of the opposite sex?"

Got it? Now for the really "fun" part. Due to lack of responses, guys attempt to send the equivalent of their weight in electronic messages to every member of the opposite sex as fast as they can. Meanwhile, ladies immediately start hiking their standards to impossible levels in order to reduce the messages in their inbox down to a manageable level.

*sigh*

Okay, that last paragraph may be *cough* significantly exaggerated, but I needed to vent damnit! I'm also aware that part of my problem is that I'm looking for a gamer girl. Not only are they rare, but they're in high demand as well.

Finally, before I start talking about sex, let me preface this by saying I'm no player. I've had no more than a handful of partners in my life, so bear in mind that my experience is somewhat limited.

I've had my share of both spectacular and tragically bad sex, so I decided to make a little primer in case anyone out there happens upon this and is new to the game. Apparently some people are unaware that sex happens to be a multiplayer game. More than that, it's a cooperative multiplayer game. This means you need to work together in order to have the most fun possible. No one wants to play with someone who runs ahead and finishes the level on their own, just like no one wants to play with someone who hangs back and does nothing the whole level. Please do your partner a favor and figure out what they like, what works, and what they don't like. Compare notes, if you need to. I know you ladies can be shy, just leave us a few breadcrumbs ok? And guys, PAY ATTENTION for god's sake. At the very least, I feel that everyone should just intuitively know how to play Sex Marco Polo. It's simple, the more noise your partner is making, the more likely it is that you're doing it right. If they stop making any noise, you've probably either failed, or it's really working. You should be able to tell which.

Next post will probably more video game related, but we'll see! :)